Dating and the Shychik (as yet unfinished)

Dating and the Shychik…

Pounding heart, sweaty palms, nausea creeping slowly up the back of my throat, “I’m not going to throw up, pass out, or otherwise humiliate myself!  I’m not, I’m not, I’m not!

Roller coaster ride?  Stuck in an elevator? Car crash?  Nope, nothing quite so blasé’ I’m afraid.  What you have just witnessed are the thoughts that scream within the self-tormented brain of a suddenly-single forty-something mom facing the prospect of….gasp…a date.  Let’s just be clear, EARLY forty-something, ahem.

Dating in the millennium, what a concept.  The last time I had considered such a thing I was in my twenties and the world was a very different place.  I had no idea where to begin, what was a decent post-divorce length of time before beginning such endeavors, and who in the world would consider dating a twice divorced woman with (count em guys!) four children.  I had visions of an 80 year old version of me living out my life alternating trips to distant lands with reading my vast (well, what would be vast eventually) collection of books with a mug of tea, an exquisite and exotic fuzzy shawl, and a big fluffy dog curled around my feet by a fireplace…alone.  And I was perfectly okay with that – after all it seemed far preferable to gingerly easing my terrified toes into the murky waters of dating.

Yes, I’m quite aware that men are (or can be) personable, wonderful, intelligent, creatures who possess skills and desired attributes that I do not (see chapter on “Sex and the Shychik”), but I was thoroughly convinced that I was not exactly the sort of prize catch that men surely must be seeking.

Of course I now realize that nearly everyone comes out of failed relationships with the same boatloads of insecurities, doubts and fears.  It’s the “too” factor, surely I’m too….(you fill in the blank, based on your particular set of keep-you-awake-at-night personal boogeymen – too fat, too boring, too plain, blah, blah, blah).  The reality of it is that we all have our strong points as well as an internal closet full of  things that we really wish our moms wouldn’t talk about at family reunions.  It usually is true that you’re okay and I’m okay (possibly emotionally battered and bruised, but ultimately okay).  We just lick our wounds, square our shoulders and  move on.

I asked everyone I knew about dating in this day and age.  My kids, who described an array of steps and social mores so extensive and impossible to decode for anyone over age 21, that my eyes glazed over and I almost gave up the fantastical idea of dating on the spot.  My bgf’s, who were adamantly convinced that one day Prince Charming would simply come in and sweep me off of my feet (not guessing for a moment that I like standing on my own two feet thank you very much, and if he wants to do some sweeping, he can start with the dog hair in the foyer!), and lastly my family, who were all so glad to see me out of my last relationship that they thought anyone new would be an improvement.

Yeahhhh…not much help there.  So I did what any enterprising young (yes, I said young!) divorcee would do-  I went man shopping on the internet!  Oh the plethora of possibilities – there are veritable catalogs of guys from which to choose, no matter what your preference!  Personally, after being married for 14 years, I had no idea what my preferences in men would be, so I set out to find out.  My goal was to meet all kinds of men, so I could begin to develop a sense of my “type” (if there was such a thing).

But where to begin?  Chatrooms?  Online dating services?  Personal ads?

Thankfully, being a practical sort of gal, I prioritized first by lowest risk.  I googled free dating sites.  I figured as long as they were secure, since I made no monetary investment, I had nothing to lose.

So I found one, and attacked the daunting task of creating a profile, followed by the even more daunting task of inputting search criteria.  Here was a dilemma – they wanted me to search for “What I’m Looking For”.  How the heck should I know what I’m looking for???   That’s why I’m on the Internet, to see what the possibilities are!  So I set some vague guidelines (which were revised in short order after receiving emails from “potential” suitors), and put myself out there as available.  I’m in cyberspace baby, laissez les bon temps roulez!

I soon found myself wishing that there were screening criteria such as, “must have teeth (and hair)”, “prefer no potbellies”, “must have a working knowledge of grammar”, and my all-time favorite… “profile photo taken within the last 3 weeks”.

I dove headlong into the dating game with great relish.  My goal was to just get out and meet men, see what they were like, begin to define the things that I did and did not desire in a man, and probably most importantly, I wanted to practice the joyful art of human interaction and have the most fun possible!